Optimal Recovery

Today I am realizing once again that a crux of my disease is trying to "figure it out." I keep trying to find the meal plan, the nutritionist, the method, etc that will spell the difference between a "botched" body and a "beautiful" one. If I can locate and follow the "perfect plan" to the letter I am assured of supreme confidence and strength, the lean fit physique I yearn for; the plan which will help me to be "that woman" who is proud of her body and trusts her body, who partners with her body for optimal nourishment each day in all aspects: body, mind, spirit, soul. Yet this is an elusive quest. All those various modes of seeking guidance toward healing can be useful however the fallacy comes with equating my physique with the spirit of the woman I want to be. I believe I am called to turn over even this process of trying to figure out what surrender looks like for me. In writing I realize the crux is not so much my desire to "figure it out" but rather the attachment I hold to my physique and how I've equated it with my self-worth.

Resumption of Blogging My Recovery Journey

So at the prompting of many supportive guides in my life I have decided to resume journaling in this public domain my journey of recovery. What is the motivation, the reason, you may ask? It is multivariable, encompassing accountability both in the action of writing and in the intentions stated, a beginning of allowing myself to be known, sharing my journey and what I am learning on the road of recovery, and also a means to try on my Naturopathic cap, to begin to help others find hope and healing. Additionally, blogging is a way for me to write, to exercise that creative muscle, a no longer well-sinewed muscle that yearns to be moved and redeveloped. Simultaneously, it is my Achilles heal. Like many areas in my life, writing is both a deep passion of mine: a source of excitement and joy, of vitality and energy, and at the same time, the source of so much judgement: a breeding ground for shame and fear. So in embarking on this journey of blogging I take a step toward challenging the fear, a step forward in sharing the "Sacred Story" that is my life, filled as it is with all its messiness and beauty. I embrace the risk!

In the content of this blog you may find a variety of things, basically summarized as my insights on my daily life of faith, culture, and medicine living in Seattle as a young Catholic woman.

Thanks for reading and journeying with me. I commit to holding you all in prayer daily.

Animal Chips and Dip

I feel like parents are always asking how to get more veggies into their children. Well here is a recipe that hopefully will aid in the effort without the fuss. A quick and fun veggie accompaniment to school lunches or a great after school snack. Smiles all around!

Not only will kids enjoy, but they can play an active role in the preparation as well. To bring up healthy eaters it is vital to get children into the garden and the kitchen at an early age so that they know where their food comes from and what they are putting into their bodies. Interacting with food and taking an active part in its preparation will allow them to utilize and develop their creativity as well as increase the likelihood they will eat what they are helping to make.

Ingredients:

• A variety of hard veggies and fruits in various colors such as the following:

• 2-3 medium to large raw beets, in a variety of colors
• 1 sweet potato
• 1 cucumber
• 1 jicama or daikon radish (the latter is spicy)
• 1 large apple, any variety
• 1 pear

• Quinoa Polenta pre-baked

For the Dip:

• 1 c cooked black eyed peas
• (if using canned I highly recommend Eden Brand; they presoak their beans and cook them with Kombu, a seaweed that both enhances the digestibility for sensitive tummies as well as provides added nutrients for growing bodies)
• 1 clove garlic
• 1-2 tsp tahini or almond butter (the almond butter will provide a slightly sweeter flavor)
• 1tbls lemon juice
• ½ c steamed kale (another yummy way to get veggies into your kids)
• pinch of sea salt
• pinch of fresh ground black pepper
• about 2-4 tbls water (as needed to thin it)

Preparation:

You will need micro cookie cutters about 1ich by 1inch (available at Michael’s craft stores)

• Cut package of polenta in half down the middle. Unpeel the wrapper. Cut in thin rounds. Older children can help with this part especially if you have plastic veggie knives but not appropriate for younger children. *Remember always to make a “claw” with the hand holding the polenta when cutting.
• Peel the beets and sweet potato if using. The other veggies and fruit do not need to be peeled but if not organic I would recommend it. Wash those with peel on. Starting from the outer edge, cut the veggies and fruit into thin slices vertically. This will require the assistance of an adult.
• Once the polenta and all the veggies and fruit are cut up, bring out the mini cookie cutters. Kids can go “animals” with all the designs they can create. Holiday and other themes and stories are also welcome for example, the ones I made were animals based on Noah’s Ark.
• Once all the shapes have been created, lay the polenta ones on a cookie sheet with parchment if not stainless steel or ceramic. Place in an oven heated to 250 degrees. Cook for 10 mins. You can include the fruit and veggies on the try to cook them as well, but is not necessary.

For the Dip:

• Combine all ingredients in food processor except for the water. Pulse and scrape down the sides. Add the water as it runs tsp by tsp to thin as desired.

Serve the “animal crackers” with the dip. Experiment with other dips such as mashed up avocado, traditional hummus and nut butters. Even tapenade or salsa some children may readily consume.

Decadently “De-Lite-ful” Chocolate Strawberry Pie

Decadently “De-Lite-ful” Chocolate Strawberry Pie

Completely vegan and gluten-free, this is light enough for frequent enjoyment yet packs a punch of flavor and richness. It is easy to double recipe for a thicker pie using the same size pie plate.

Feel free to experiment with different combinations: substitute whole fat coconut milk for either all or some of the almond milk for a creamier option, nectarines or peaches instead of berries, cherries and mint, the sky’s the limit!.  

Ingredients:

¾ c unsweetened organic almond milk

1 ¼ tsp agar agar flakes

⅔ oz dark chocolate (I used 2 squares of righteously raw synergy spice chocolate)

1tsp organic vanilla extract

1lb container organic strawberries

¼ c almonds, chopped

Measure almond milk and agar flakes into small saucepan. Stir to combine. Let sit 10 minutes.

Meanwhile grate chocolate or finely chop. I love using a mandolin for this part. Set aside.

After 10 min, bring almond milk and agar to low simmer over medium low heat. Stir occasionally. Simmer about 7 mins or until agar is completely dissolved. Remove from heat. Add grated chocolate and vanilla extract. At this point feel free to add other herbs or spices as desired. Stir to combine. Pour mixture into a 9 inch or smaller glass pie plate. Chill in fridge for 1.5-2hr to allow to set. Once “pie” has set, slice strawberries into rounds and decorate top of pie. Sprinkle almonds over the top of the strawberries. Bon Appetit!

Nightly Journaling

 So as part of my nightly routine I do some specific journal prompts. They are suggestions that I have gathered from different avenues along my journey of emotional and spiritual development.
Tonight I am going to complete my journaling as a blog post with the intention of helping me get over the writer's block I have been experiencing and as a way to stay productive when on the computer this late at night. Additionally, I pray that it may inspire others to think about regularly journaling what they are "learning and discovering on this journey of recovery" whatever you have be in need of "recovery" from and whatever that journey may look like for you.

            One thing that inspired fear: The thought that my morning snack was too much food and the concern that my meal support is deliberately increasing my calories without telling me.

                One thing that inspired hope: Sharing a walk in the woods followed by kitchen time together creating various concoctions with my friend and housemate Deborah. 

The 2 prompts above are from my previous involvement in Sacred Story, a discernment and spiritual growth format derived from the works of St. Ignatius of Loyola developed my Father Bill Watson SJ. They are intended to help you to discern where God is at work in your life and toward which he is drawing your heart and where the spirit of evil is at work and trying to lure you. So much of my life is lived in a state of underlying fear and trepidation and I no longer want to live under such a tyrrany. God does not want us to live in fear. As Pope John XXIII is quoted to have said: "Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams." He goes on to say, "think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do." They help me to discern where God is at work by helping me to identify what brought me peace of heart and what brought me anxiety, i.e. where I am still clinging to something and need to surrender.

Gratitudes:

Walk with Deborah

The opportunity to serve customers at work

Getting through work with relative peace and calm without complaining

Willingness to stay sober in my meals

Wonderful conversation with Auntie Carmey and Grammy

Friends to support me on my journey of recovery

Less anxiety around finances

Pope Francis

My body and its ability to move with agility and ease and allow me to serve God in multiple capacities

Composing a gratitude list is something that was suggested to me by my first sponsor. So back around 2008 or so I started doing this nightly and it is a great source of consolation and perspective. Identifying God's blessings of the day provides a source of consolation that God does care for me, individually, his daughter whom he loves, in the midst of my self-frustration and dissatisfaction.  

Powerlessness: thoughts that my snack is too much food; delaying finishing breakfast; worry that my boss and coworkers will perceive me as slacking when I eat during work; worry that I will gain too much weight; fear of disappointing others if I decline their invitaions or that it will be the last opportunity for me to do the various activity and I need to take advantage of the chance now; the nagging feeling that I am not working hard enough, that I have left stuff undone and should be studying, etc. the various "shoulds"

Unmanageability: didn't end up making it to Mass tomorrow; over-scheduled for tomorrow; making too many commitments; eating later at night than I am comfortable with due to getting behind in the morning on eating my food

The detailing of "powerless and unmanageability" stems from working on my first step right now in ABA: "We admitted we were powerless over our insane eating practices, that our lives had become unmanageable." By recognizing aspects during the day over which I am powerless and aspects of how my insane thinking at times can lead to unmanageability helps me to see that I, of my self, lack the power to change my life. It helps me to recognize clearly and individually for me that left to my own devices, "I can't."

In addition to the above aspects that I make sure to do nightly, I may or may not write about significant promptings of my heart I am experiencing or stresses that are particularly plaguing me, asking for guidance, discussing with God, praying of course for all those in my life that I would be an instrument of the mercy and love of God in the world. 

Good Night and Blessings