So as part of my nightly routine I do some specific journal prompts. They are suggestions that I have gathered from different avenues along my journey of emotional and spiritual development.
Tonight I am going to complete my journaling as a blog post with the intention of helping me get over the writer's block I have been experiencing and as a way to stay productive when on the computer this late at night. Additionally, I pray that it may inspire others to think about regularly journaling what they are "learning and discovering on this journey of recovery" whatever you have be in need of "recovery" from and whatever that journey may look like for you.
One thing that inspired fear: The thought that my morning snack was too much food and the concern that my meal support is deliberately increasing my calories without telling me.
One thing that inspired hope: Sharing a walk in the woods followed by kitchen time together creating various concoctions with my friend and housemate Deborah.
The 2 prompts above are from my previous involvement in Sacred Story, a discernment and spiritual growth format derived from the works of St. Ignatius of Loyola developed my Father Bill Watson SJ. They are intended to help you to discern where God is at work in your life and toward which he is drawing your heart and where the spirit of evil is at work and trying to lure you. So much of my life is lived in a state of underlying fear and trepidation and I no longer want to live under such a tyrrany. God does not want us to live in fear. As Pope John XXIII is quoted to have said: "Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams." He goes on to say, "think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do." They help me to discern where God is at work by helping me to identify what brought me peace of heart and what brought me anxiety, i.e. where I am still clinging to something and need to surrender.
Gratitudes:
Walk with Deborah
The opportunity to serve customers at work
Getting through work with relative peace and calm without complaining
Willingness to stay sober in my meals
Wonderful conversation with Auntie Carmey and Grammy
Friends to support me on my journey of recovery
Less anxiety around finances
Pope Francis
My body and its ability to move with agility and ease and allow me to serve God in multiple capacities
Composing a gratitude list is something that was suggested to me by my first sponsor. So back around 2008 or so I started doing this nightly and it is a great source of consolation and perspective. Identifying God's blessings of the day provides a source of consolation that God does care for me, individually, his daughter whom he loves, in the midst of my self-frustration and dissatisfaction.
Powerlessness: thoughts that my snack is too much food; delaying finishing breakfast; worry that my boss and coworkers will perceive me as slacking when I eat during work; worry that I will gain too much weight; fear of disappointing others if I decline their invitaions or that it will be the last opportunity for me to do the various activity and I need to take advantage of the chance now; the nagging feeling that I am not working hard enough, that I have left stuff undone and should be studying, etc. the various "shoulds"
Unmanageability: didn't end up making it to Mass tomorrow; over-scheduled for tomorrow; making too many commitments; eating later at night than I am comfortable with due to getting behind in the morning on eating my food
The detailing of "powerless and unmanageability" stems from working on my first step right now in ABA: "We admitted we were powerless over our insane eating practices, that our lives had become unmanageable." By recognizing aspects during the day over which I am powerless and aspects of how my insane thinking at times can lead to unmanageability helps me to see that I, of my self, lack the power to change my life. It helps me to recognize clearly and individually for me that left to my own devices, "I can't."
In addition to the above aspects that I make sure to do nightly, I may or may not write about significant promptings of my heart I am experiencing or stresses that are particularly plaguing me, asking for guidance, discussing with God, praying of course for all those in my life that I would be an instrument of the mercy and love of God in the world.
Good Night and Blessings
